I was a weak and unfocused man. I was subject to less wild lovers of every variety. My heart and mind were not captivated by my wife, my kids, my work, or even, if I am completely honest, by my God. I wanted relief and if my wife, kids, coworkers, and God would simply do what I wanted them to do, I might be able to find some peace. My increasing disenchantment with all the above was creating fissures on every part of me and my life. "Oh great God give us rest We're all worn thin from all of this At the end of our hope with nothing left Oh great God give us rest" David Crowder
With a marriage approaching failure and all I had hoped from life hanging in the balance, I shook my fists at the heavens and cried out to God. He answered. He comforted me. But he didn't commiserate with me or affirm how awful everyone and everything was in my life. He wooed me into a deeper knowledge of Him and showed me all the things I was seeking identity from would never requite. When He became my source...the object of my desire, gardens began to bloom in every corner of my life.
Work transformed from effortless drudgery to missional and purposeful engagement of many men. The frustration of parenting became the promise of endless possibilities...each child an arrow of privilege to launch into a fallen world. And my wife...baby, oh baby. Where I once found her frustrating, crushed her under the weight of unrealistic expectation, and saddled her with my ridiculous need for validation, she transformed before my eyes.
She was finally free of the unnecessary and crushing weight of me. The veil that shrouded her beauty, was removed. She is now the most captivating and alluring creature I have ever known. I am intoxicated by her. I am dizzied and light-headed by the sight, smell, feel, and taste of her.
"I've got a girl she tastes like rain on my tounge She's got the moon in her hips And her eyes burn up like the sun When I'm gone from my girl When I leave her alone There ain't nothing that I'm running from" Fiction Family
The Kingdom. The garden. The everlasting promises of God and the glory of eternity. They are at hand. I need to look no further than the beauty that lays beside me in my bed. She is as she always was. As she was always intended to be. She is the very hope and promise of God's great love for me. She is glorious and I am undone.