I have come to this place in my life I’m full but I’ve not satisfied This longing to have more of You I can feel it my heart is convinced I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched You already know this but still Come and do whatever You want to (Jenn Johnson "In Over My Head")
My wife and I had talked about attending a "Love after Marriage" (LAM) conference for years. Friends who attended one talked effusively about the profound impact it had on them. But I am pretty jaded about faith-based "experiences". I don't know if it is simply hubris (I spend a lot of time bringing faith-based experiences to groups) or the frequent experience of disappointment, but I usually set a pretty low bar of expectation when I attend something like this.
This retreat is most frequently offered in Northern California. Cost, time, and finding sitters for our brood for a full week pretty much rescued me from attending this deal for over a year. But I couldn't wipe this from my mind and my heart kept telling me that it was important we attend.
I’m standing knee deep but I’m out where never been I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind
Funny, it is our 25th anniversary this month and I have been scheming some surprises and experiences, but this retreat curiously hadn't factored into the master plan. But when I found out it was being offered in my backyard of San Antonio, was only $300, and friends were committing to watch our kids, I had finally run out of excuses.
My wife and I enjoy an incredible relationship. We love one another, are on the same page on almost every issue, feel called to similar things missionally, and really enjoy (and fight for) time together. It is a great love affair a couple of decades in the making. So much so, in fact, that we joked about how we maybe didn't need this retreat and likely had the best marriage of the forty couples attending...as we were walking into the conference. We were completely taken out on the idea of there being "more" available.
One of the first things at the retreat was petition the Holy Spirit to speak what He had for each of us. My heart and mind flooded with possibilities. The posture of my heart immediately moved to asking Him to come and do whatever He wanted to do. In me. In her. In us.
Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in Let love come teach me who You are again Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You And all I wanted was just to be with You Come and do whatever You want to
He delivered more profoundly than I ever could have imagined.
- We broke generational strongholds
- We broke vows and agreements about one another & our marriage
- We healed restored the broken places in our life together & before
- We found healing for our personal sexual histories and for the generations preceding ours
- We learned and practiced calling forth our spirits and blessing one another multiple times a day
- We also established a beachhead of significantly more powerful emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy
In a nutshell, every day since has been profoundly different. What we ultimately realized, is that we were merely accepting a partial. There is so much more the Father intends for our marriage than we could have ever hoped or dreamed. Funny how celebrating a significant anniversary and charting a course toward a new future in our marriage had less to do with presents, experiences, and surprises...and everything to do with being guided by the Holy Spirit deeper into the Father heart of God.
He is so good.
He has so much more for us.
And I am going after all of it.
Further and further My heart moves away from the shore Whatever it looks like Whatever may come I am yours