I was hanging with one of my mates the other night. He mentioned that an extended visit from his retired parents was providing him a lot of fresh material around the idea of his wounding. It happens with each visit, but they are his parents, what is he gonna do? The reality is that all of us make choices that inexplicably put us back in the crosshairs of our wounding story...we inadvertently tee up a brutal and determined enemy. My wife says that I sometimes become a different person around my family. Instead of confident, cocksure, healed and whole, I am petty, irritated and easily sucked into superfluous battleground. For many of us, revisiting family, the mouth waters of our wounding, is a journey into arrested development. We become that little boy again.
Even out of the brutality of childhood, we seek the familiar:
- The physically abused girl marries an abuser
- The boy with a super controlling father finds a boss just like him
- The boy with an overbearing mom, marries the same
- A sexually abused girl falls into promiscuity
Logic would dictate a completely different response, but these are matters and decisions of the heart...the source of either glorious things as whole and healed, or tragic as broken and in disrepair. And the most brutal thing of all, our heart is the core of our being, our identity. Without healing, the wound transforms from the thing that happened to us into the thing that we are. We embrace it and make it the hallmark of our life.
There is some family that I rarely see anymore. There are some friends I quit calling back. There are organizations and affiliations I walked away from. My associations are going to either drive me toward more healing, freedom, and missional living, or remind me that I was once a little boy whose heart wasn't handled very well...and drive me back into that reality.
I fully embrace the fullness of Jesus healing and restoration ministry. I take on and try to live fully into the new heart and identity I have been given. I have walked quite a bit of the hard journey it takes to remember and restore. I am no longer that boy. Through the discernment of the Spirit, I am going to do everything I know to do...to hold fast of all that He accomplished for me. I want citizenship in the new covenant.